


Losing You All Over Again

by Fan_of_everything_45



Series: Falling [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Christmas Fluff, Coma, Comatose Tony, Dreams vs. Reality, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Hurt Tony, Idiots in Love, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) Lives, Kissing, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Major Character Injury, Oblivious Stephen Strange, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Past Relationship(s), Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Possessive Stephen, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Romance, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-01-26 14:51:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21375895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fan_of_everything_45/pseuds/Fan_of_everything_45
Summary: Tony got Stephen back after Siberia, they had been together for six months, they were happy.But then he woke up in a hospital with no Stephen, no memory of what happened, and People telling him Stephen never came back.
Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Series: Falling [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654579
Comments: 9
Kudos: 167





	1. Winter was Once Beautiful

His head was pounding, brain throbbing against his skull. The cut on the side of his head was deep, he could feel the blood gushing out of it. Glancing to the side, he watched the still-falling snow blanket the ground at his feet. It would have been peaceful if not for the fact that he was stranded here, alone, with no suit, and no way to leave.

_Maybe I don't want to go back. _

He could build anything right now. Could you get up and walk out, but for what? For a team that didn't care, for people who don't see him as anything other than a news story? If he went back everything he cared about would be gone. Pepper left, Rhodey might as well leave him too after what he caused. He wished he could be selfish for once. He sat watching the snowfall, peaceful and slow, letting the cold pierce his skin. He used to love the snow and he never thought he'd end up hating it. He never thought Steve would do this. Would slam his shield into his chest and leave him. He loved Steve but clearly, he didn't love him back. 

_"He's my friend." He had said out of breath. Tony wanted to cry. _

_He's your friend and I'm your lover._

_ "So was I."_

He closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down. The pain in his head was getting unbearable. Just fifteen minutes after Steve and Bucky left, breathing became hard. He could feel blood crawling up his throat, choking him and forcing his mouth open. He coughed it up until his lungs burned. 

It felt like his lungs were crawling their way out of his chest. The amount of blood was sickening, felt like it would never end. His arms finally gave out, and he fell to the side, unable to hold himself up. 

He stayed there, looking at the snow, wishing he was far away. Wishing for home. What is home? He closed his eyes and tried to remember a time when he felt safe, felt loved. 

______________5 years Ago_______________

_"What are you thinking about?" The voice was soft and raspy behind Tony. Stephen’s arms were wrapped around his waist as they stood outside on the balcony. New York was beautiful during winter, snow-covered every inch; and even though It'd be a pain tomorrow, it was beautiful tonight._

_ "Do you like winter?" Tony asked him, ignoring his question. Stephen thought for a moment. He never paid much attention to the seasons, was never one to care for the holidays, but with Tony it was different. He loved to see the mischief in his eyes on Halloween when he would prank Rhodey or the blush that spread across his cheeks when Stephen gave him a gift on Valentine's day. He loved to see the twinkle in Tony's eyes when they decorated for Christmas and spend hours on the couch watching movies afterward. He was always amused during the summer when Tony would get competitive over trivial things like Rubik’s Cube solving competitions. _

_"I like all seasons. But if I had to pick one, then it would be winter." He answered finally. Tony turned in his arms to look up at him, cheeks flushed from the cold. Nuzzling into the taller man's shoulder he finally asked, “Why?” Smiling down at him, Stephen spoke softly into his ear. "I met you two years ago at a holiday charity event and I remember how beautiful you looked under the Christmas lights. I remember thinking how I would love to see you like that every year." He smiled and pressed a kiss to his lovers' noise. "I think my wish came true." _

_Tony looked shocked, and his cheeks seemed imperceptibly redder as he gently shoved his lover. "Sappy asshole," he muttered but smiled when Stephen brought their lips together. Yeah, Tony loved winter because he got to spend it with his favorite person_.

__________Present time, New York__________

Stephen grumbled when his phone rang. He was meditating and had been hoping to have a quiet evening. He was surprised to see that it was Pepper, and immediately picked up. "Pepper?" He asked, concerned, and his concern only grew when he heard a sob on the other end. 

"Stephen, I-I know you and Tony haven't spoken in years, but please. Please, you have to help him." She sobbed out, voice breaking. Stephen got up, letting the cloak land on his shoulders.

"What happened? Is he alright? Last I heard he was having a disagreement with Captain America." He honestly couldn't imagine what was so urgent that she had to call him. 

"Friday, Tony's AI, sent out a signal, he's dying somewhere in the world and I need your help to find him, please Stephen. I don't know what happened or if he's okay, I- please." Pepper is not the one to beg. She's a strong and independent woman, capable of handling any situation thrown at her, so to have her beg for help is surprising, to say the least. 

"Of course, I'll be right over. The Avengers tower, I'm guessing?" Pepper confirmed his suspicions, thanking him before hanging up. Stephen let Wong know he leaving before meeting up with Pepper. The common area of the tower seemed… odd with the knowledge that Tony might be dying. There was a half-drunk cup of coffee on the table and a sketchbook on the couch, other belongings that just belonged there. Stephen knew that the owners of the items might never come back.

"Stephen, thank god you're here." Pepper greeted him, and he gave her a small nod of acknowledgment. 

"Can I see the information Friday gave last before shutting off?" Pepper let him run through all of the information the AI left. Thankfully that included a picture of the place he needed to go and coordinates. "I can portal over there and get him, but I'm going to need a medical team ready for his arrival, he’ll need to be operated on quickly or he could die."

She nodded and reached for her phone. "Alright, I'll have his medical team ready, you go get Tony." He nodded and studied the picture for a moment before opening a portal and stepping through.


	2. Together Again, but For How Long

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen is at Tony side once again, but Tony questions for how long

___________________Metro-General Hospital__________________

When Tony came back to his surroundings, he found himself in a dim hospital room instead of a cold Hydra bunker. Looking around he saw Rhodey sleeping at the side of his bed, head on a desk in front of him. Behind Rhodey was a window, clearly showing the night sky and bright New York lights. He shifted a little, could feel the bandages around his chest tightened, and feel some stitches over wounds where the iron suit cut into him. His face was patched up too, he could feel the small butterfly bandages holding together cuts. The pain wasn't really present, just small occasional waves of it. He looked to the other side of his hospital room and almost jumped when he saw someone else there. The man was just floating in the air, meditating. Tony almost found it painful at how the features he had loved so much were the same yet so, so different. "Stephen?" The word was barely above a whisper but it got the sorcerer to open his eyes immediately and land on the ground. Rushing to Tony's side, he gently took the genius' hand in his own. 

"Yeah, it's me. How do you feel?" He whispered softly. Tony felt as if nothing has changed, as if Stephen never left, they never broke up and went their separate ways. The smaller man didn't answer, he just scooted closer towards him. Understanding, Stephen wrapped his arms around Tony, holding him as tightly as he could without hurting him. "I'm sorry, Love." He murmured into his ear. They both knew exactly why he was apologizing. 

He was sorry for not being there. For not defending him and helping out. He was sorry for leaving. "Please don't leave." The billionaire begged weakly and it broke Stephen. Tony wasn't weak, never has been. He was smart, quick, confident and determined, sure he had his flaws but being weak was not one of them. The doctor knew he had to fix what the Avengers broke. And what they broke was a wonderful and selfless man. 

"I promise I won't." Stephen sat there all night. He holding Tony as if he was trying to keep him together, afraid that if he let go for even a second he would shatter like glass. By the time Rhodey woke up he saw Tony asleep in his past lover's arms, looking absolutely horrible and so absolutely broken. 

"When did he wake up?" He asked Stephen, reaching over to fix Tony's blanket, taking note of the doctor's blank face. 

"Sometime around three A.M." He paused to look down at the injured hero in his arms. "He's been mumbling all night, I believe it was about the fight." He spoke again, brushing a hand through Tony's soft hair. Rhodey sighed and shook his head. 

"Rogers better hope I never find him." Stephen smirked and nodded. "I'm getting coffee and then calling Pepper, do you want me to bring you anything?" The man shook his head. "Alright I'll be back later, call me if anything goes wrong." With that he left, taking one more look at Tony in Stephen's arms. 

The room silent after he left, just the sounds of machines keeping Tony stable. The thought of someone hurt his Tony and he wasn't able to protect him made him sick to the stomach. He still remembers the amount of blood around the iron suit and the sorcerer could only imagine his beautiful whiskey eyes filled with fear before shutting. It seemed like he went into a shocking state, and he couldn't blame Tony. But it was terrifying to see how his mouth was wide open in a silent scream, blood dripping down his chin. Stephen thought he was gonna be sick. He never thought he'd see Tony like that, surrounded by blood with a shield just a bit away from him. The same shield that was slammed into his chest and broke several ribs. 

Tony whimpered in his sleep, breathing picking up along with his heart rate. Holding him closer, Stephen tried to think of something to calm him."Try to remember the kind of September, When life was slow and oh so mellow." Stephen spoke softly, remembering how Tony said his mother sang to him. Instantly Tony stopped mumbling and cuddled closer. "Try to remember the kind of September, When grass was green and grain was yellow." He continued, waiting to see heart rate go down. 

Instead Tony woke up, jumped away from Stephen and frantically glancing around. The doctor was quick to get up gently grab Tony's hands. "Shh, hey, you're okay. I'm right here Tony, no one is going to hurt you. You're okay, just breath." He spoke softly, feeling his heart aches when the man looked back at him with panicked brown eyes. "Just breath, in for 5 and out for 5." He made Tony copy him and soon had him shaking in his arms. It's okay Tony, I got you. You're alright." The words flowed out of his mouth automatically, like he has done this a thousand times. 

He remembered late nights with Tony, helping him through horrifying night terrors and terrible outbursts. Slowly the billionaire calmed down enough to stop shaking and take slow sips of water with the help of Stephen. "I'm going to get your doctor but I'll be back in a second alright?" 

"But you're right here."Tony answered softly in a teasing manner and Stephen was surprised to see him joking right after an episode. None the less he let out a small laugh, leaning over to kiss his forehead before leaving. Tony looked around and saw that Rhodey was no longer next to him and that he was in more pain then he was last night. His ribs felt sore and there seemed to be a weight on them. He wondered how long he's been there, how long has he been sleeping in a hospital. How long has Stephen been at his side? And for how long will he stay there. 

Stephen left a year after he met the avengers and all because of the car crash. He couldn't handle not being able to work and lashed out at him, let him believe that he wasn't enough anymore before he left. Tony knew that maybe he never meant to make him feel like that but it still hurt and it hurt sleeping alone and knowing that he was nothing to Stephen. So why is he back? He wondered, why would Stephen come back if he meant nothing, was nothing except a rich guy with a suit. 

“Mr. Stark, my name is Doctor Smith. I'm going to tell you all of your injuries and then we can talk about how you’re recovery and any other questions you might have. First things first, how do you feel, Mr.Stark? The doctor explained and stood at the end of the bed as Stephen sat beside him once again. 

“Just Tony and my chest is sore.” Stephen took note on how zoned out the smaller man looked and wondered if it was because of the pain or if he was thinking. Doctor Smith nodded and wrote something down on his clipboard before looking at him again. 

"Well it will be sore for the next couple of weeks, we had to put the arc reactor back after we found shards of your suit stuck in your chest. We couldn't afford to get rid of all of them, you lost a concerning amount of blood and the risk was too high to take them out. There were no complications in putting in the arc reactor and we believe that once you are fully healed you may get it removed once again. Your ribs will take another three weeks to fully heal. You’ve also suffered a major concussion so if you at any point, or time get a headache, please let one of the nurses know.” the doctor paused and wait for a question or some sort of concern before continuing. 

“How long till I can leave?” The genius asked and ignored Stephens's eye roll as he asked it. He wanted to get out of the hospital and the sooner the better. He could only think of all the work he had to. He had to pay for damage, help rebuild the things that the team and him destroyed, had to pay for the funerals of those who didn’t make it out of their attacks. I had to visit the families that got hurt and see how he can support then, how he could help. He needed to help Rhodey and needed to take the time to try and make him walk again. There was so much to do and he wanted to get started right away, Rhodey being his number one on the list.

“We believe you will be able to leave in the next four days if healing gets better, but even then you will be on bed rest for the next four months. You’ve been in a coma for the past three weeks so a lot has healed, like your bruising and your ribs are healing nicely as well but you’ve suffered a lot of injuries Mr.Stark and it’s only wise to rest and let them heal. ”

Tony sighed and nodded feeling absolute defeated but knowing he’d be out of there soon made him feel a tad bit better. The doctor left and Stephen turned to tony. “Why do you want to leave so quickly?” The concern was written all over his face, and Tony knew he wanted an answer but it was just too much to explain and it’s not like he was going to be here much longer. The shorter man just sighed and shook his head.

“Why are you even here Stephen? You left four years ago without a single fucking trace.” The taller man got up, not wanting to start a fight with the injured man.

“Pepper called me and said Friday released a distress signal. I went to get you. I know I left you Tony and I know I hurt you but I'm here and I'm not going to leave. I’m going to stay by your side till you are sick of me and want me gone. Even then I'll still be with you. ” His voice was soft and Tony wanted to believe him. He really fucking did. 

“I felt like nothing.” He responded after some time. “I felt like everything we did together was nothing and that I deserved all that pain because I couldn't help you. I build things, it’s what I’m good at and yet I couldn't help you. I couldn't help you through your pain or helplessness and I deserved what you did. I just wished you told me I wasn't enough long before you left.” Stephen shook his head and gently took his hands into his own. 

“No Tony, I was the stupid one. I left you when you did everything possible to help and I can’t believe I did. You did everything for me and I can't believe I left the most wonderful thing in my life. I love you, I've always loved you and I’m not going to leave you again. You’re mine and I'm yours. I’m here to stay but only if you want me to.” Tony sighed and let himself be embraced by Stephen.”You are everything to me. You are a selfless and wonderful man and what I did was absolutely unacceptable. I know you want to leave so you can fix the mess they caused but before you can do that you need to take care of yourself first. Promise me you will and I'll let you work to your heart's content when your done healing.” Stephen promised, staring at the soft brown eyes.

“Okay. please just stay. I don't think I can handle losing you again." Stephen smiled and nodded, of course, I'll stay. I'll stay till you don’t want me, but don’t think It'd be easy getting rid of me.''

Tony wanted to believe him but deep down he knew he was going to leave. They all do eventually.


	3. Agreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T'Challa informs the group of early rules that will soon be into full effect.

_________ Wakanda: one month after Civil War___________

The Avengers were all seated in a spacious and luxurious meeting room. T'challa was sitting at the front of the table and ushered then to sit. "I got news about Dr. Stark and what is to happen in the next few months. Dr. Stark is currently under bed rest after some sort of accident that we have no information. He had died three times on the operation table, so we do not expect him to be back and helping until much, much later." The king said before he took a moment to open a folder and distribute the contents. “The council has made it quite clear on what needs to be done before they let you back into the states. First, you all must read and sign the accords, along with that there will be agreements, that will be added later on, you all must agree and follow those terms.” the king read off of his own documents. 

He let them read the next few paragraphs, waiting for questions. “There's a new team leader and a new team?” Steve asked. He never thought Tony would do this to them, he never thought he would replace them. He always thought they were family but this clearly proves that they weren’t. Yes, what he did was wrong but he could fix this, he just needed time. The rest of the team also looked shocked and T’challa could tell this was big news for them.

“Yes there will be a new team. The Avengers will be lead by Captain Marvel and have co-leaders, such as Doctor Strange, Colonel Rhodes. The three have yet to decide how they will break off the teams evenly but I'm sure they will figure it out. Along with that, you will all get a Liaison, you will no longer go to Dr.Stark when you have a complaint or concern.” 

“Who us Captain Marvel? And Doctor Strange?” Clint asked as he kept seeing their names on the pages. The rest of the team nodded and turned to the man at the front. T’challa remembers seeing the two heroes, both confident in their work but both unforgiving of the events that went down between the avengers. Doctor strange especially. The man was kind, sure, but the moment Tony was brought up to be with the team again he was outraged. He said he would deal with them himself instead of tony all for the genius’ safely. 

“Doctor Strange is sorcerer supreme and the protector of the New York Sanctum Sanctorum. He is a master of the mystical arts and is very protective of Dr.Stark, I advise you to be careful when you are speaking to him. Captain Marvel, on the other hand, is a very powerful woman, able to manipulate energy. Her DNA was infused with mar-vell and she protects the earth and makes sure everyone is alright, she earned her title and I suggest you treat her with respect.” 

The team nodded but he could see they were not happy about the arrangement. He got up from his seat and walked to the door. “I will let all of you read the documents, please come find me if you have any questions.” when he got nods of conformation, he left the room. Once he was in his bedroom he grabbed his phone. He was in charge of giving the avengers the few pieces of information that the council got together, he was then to report it tony who was going to help get the avengers back in the states per the request of the council and the Rogues. 

“T’Challa! How was the meeting, not too much trouble I hope?” The king heard Tony's voice fills the speakers. He smiled, the genus' sounded better, his voice was raspy and he was always coughing. Strange said something about his lungs being clogged with whatever they did to him. 

"No, just a couple of questions, nothing they haven't disagreed yet but I believe that they will start with complaints once the Council has all the agreement together. How are you, Tony?" His father was friends with Howard Stark and so he and Tony would sometimes meet and slowly become "friends". Stark had tricked a couple of times, considering he was younger and a lot more active than Tony. It was never mean tricks just tricks to get him to sit for once, he feels it a shame that Tony never met Shuri, he's sure the two would be great friends. 

"I'm getting better, hoping that doc will let me start working next month. Things are starting to pile up. How is everything for you?" T'challa sighed, he knew Tony had already started working. Small things like Colonel Rhodes leg braces and paying for things. He hasn't gone to pay respects for families like he wants to, he isn't healthy enough to do that yet. 

"I don't think you should rush your recovery. You took a lot of damage. What happened anyway? You were in a terrible state." He ignored the question, he that there were bigger things to worry about. He never truly knew what happened. People got some info, and that was that civil war got out of hand and Tony was at the wrong end. Nothing else was said and nothing else was heard. 

"Nothing you have worry about yet. I'll tell you face to face. For now, let's just focus on other things." Tony's voice went quiet, soft even, like he was telling a secret. T'Challa just sighed and nodded, even though Tony couldn't see him. 

"Alright. Please keep recovering. I'll talk to you soon." Tony said goodbye before hanging up and T'Challa hoped he would take his advice,


	4. Home Is Where You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen's home is Tony  
Tony's home is Stephen.

________New York: (renamed) Stark's Tower________ Stephen sighed as he stood in the kitchen clutching a cup of tea. It was three A.M. and all he could think about was Tony's broken body and all the blood covering the ground around it. It wasn't the first, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last time he dreamt of the accident. Each dream was different and each brought more haunting images to his mind. Tonight's was new, preyed on his mind more than the rest. 

_Tony was laying in a pool of blood, body twisted as if he was struggling against an unseen force. His mouth hanging open in a silent scream and his eyes, god his eyes. His eyes were open, lifeless and yet filled with such agony and pain, like before his heart stopped beating it let him feel every single injury on his body. _

_The whiskey color in them had almost faded, leaving them a dark brown. It killed him to know that he still found them beautiful, even if there was no life left in them. _

Stephen took in a deep breath. He didn't want to think about Tony dying, he didn't want to remember the way his body gave up and the way his blood had started to freeze over. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to see it again. 

Looking up from his cup, he jumped slightly when he saw Tony sitting on a stool across from him. He was staring at Stephen, a brow slightly raised and his mouth curved up in a small smile. "Hey, Houdini."

Stephen smiled, the names were new, nothing Tony would've called him years ago, but it brought a smile to Stephens' face. "Hey, how long have you been there?" He wished he would've noticed, but it brings some sort of relief that he didn't, reminds him that he doesn't need to be alert around Tony. Although at the same time he wished he knew exactly when Tony walked into a room. He walked closer so he was standing right in front of him. 

"Just a couple minutes. Are you okay? I'm surprised to see you awake." Stephen sighed and gently grabbed Tony's face. He held him there, gently rubbing his cheek with one of his thumbs, and gently gazing into his eyes. His eyes were soft and had a loving look in them. More importantly, they were alive. "Stephen?" He dropped his hands and placed them behind Tony, gripping the table.

"I don't want to lose you." He whispered quietly. Tony looked at him questioningly. He closed his eyes and swallowed when he imagined Tony's lifeless body. "I lived three years without you, and they were the worst three years of my life. I constantly felt empty and even with my new responsibilities, I knew I had to get back to you. Yes, I was living life but not the one I wanted to live. I realized that after waking up countless mornings with you, not by my side. It's not a perfect life if you aren't with me.

He opened his eyes again and was met with glazed over doe ones. Tony's lip trembled as he reached up with both hands to cup the sorcerer's cheeks. "You’re still a sappy asshole." Stephen smiled weakly and leaned closer so that their heads were touching. "I want to try again," Tony mumbled after a couple of moments.

"I would love that." Tony sighed as he hugged Stephen close to his body and shut his eyes. "Come on, maybe you can get a couple of hours of sleep." Tony nodded, but the two sat there for a moment, taking in each other’s presence. Kissing his head, Stephen stepped away from Tony and motioned to the hallway. "Let's get you to bed.

"Only if you join me." Tony didn't care if it was too early, he and Stephen both knew he couldn't sleep alone. The doctor smiled and followed him down the hallway. The two got settled and Tony couldn't help but cuddle into Stephens's chest. The sorcerer just held him close, reminding himself that the billionaire was alive and safe in his arms. The smell of motor oil and some expensive cologne that always seemed to stick to Tony was comforting. 

Stephen no longer had the scent of hospital and cologne but instead a smell of vanilla tea and old books. It was new but at the same time it reminded Tony that he was home, he was where he was meant to be, huddled up against Stephen. They both closed their eyes and knew that they were home. 


	5. Different but Still Beautiful

___Four months after Civil War: Starks Tower__

Stephen looked up from his book, disturbed by a sudden clink from Tony. Looking over, Stephen smiled when he saw the genius concentrating on his latest work. He couldn't help but stare at his lover. They've been together for three months now after Tony found him in the kitchen and Stephen couldn't be happier. 

Stephen is fascinated by Tony. Every scar, bump, and feature just seemed perfect to him. The man wasn't perfect, of course, but just the way he moved so gracefully, attracted the doctor. He remembers all those years ago when he waltzes around a ballroom with Tony, how his eyes seem to sparkle in the darkroom and how he flawlessly followed Stephens' movements. He was beautiful then and he still is now. Even if he has darker bags under his eyes or if he has gray hair, he still looks gorgeous. 

Stephen forced himself to look away and take a glance at the clock on Tony's desk. 12:51 a.m blinked back at him. "Love, I think it's time to go to bed." He spoke up as he stood and stretched. Tony blinked, slowly registering his words. He then looked over, giving the doctor a small grin. 

"Okay. Just one more thing?" Stephen nodded, a small smile on his face as he walked over. The smaller man turned to look at him, and Stephen could see just how tired he truly was. His eyes were pink and watery, and his body just seemed to clasp against Stephen. The sorcerer leaned down to kiss his head before running his fingers through his lover's hair. 

"You sure you don't just want to go to bed?" Tony took it into consideration. Stephen was warm and he could just imagine the soft sheets upstairs, maybe he should just go to bed. Tony looked back at his work, he just had a couple of things he wanted to add. He kept his head nuzzled into Stephen's torso while he thought of his options.

"Let's go to bed." He answered finally. Stephen smiled and lead them both out of the lab and upstairs. Tony remembered how much he had missed having someone else in bed when Pepper left him. Just to know he's not alone even if they're asleep. Now he has someone who would most likely help him rest and he wanted to take full advantage of it.

Of course once Tony got comfortable, he quickly lost interest in going to sleep. He laid wide awake with Stephen's arms around him and his mind buzzing with ideas. He turned in his lover's arms, not surprised to see Stephen already looking at him. Tony leaned in closer, pressing his head against the other man. 

Tony let his eyes and hands wander around Stephen's face. New scars showed on the side of his face, little thin lines right by his eyebrow or above his lips, nothing big or noticeable unless you were close enough. He traced his jawline with his pointer finger, looking up to meet Stephen's eyes when he saw a fond smile play on the sorcerer's lips. "What?" He murmured into the silence. 

Stephen shook his head, leaning up to kiss Tony's forehead. "Nothing." Tony hid his face into the taller man's chest, hoping to fall asleep with the help of his heartbeat. Tony wondered if Stephen every hears his heartbeat. Fears if he thinks it odd and concerning how it beats differently ever since Afghanistan. "What are you thinking about?" Stephen asked him before bringing him impossibly closer. 

"Do you think my heartbeats odd?" Tony blurted out. Both were surprised by the question, it was unexpected and all of a sudden. Stephen had a guess it was because Tony hasn't slept and was probably just speaking his mind at this point. He remembers that year's ago Tony would just mumble nonsense after days of no sleep. 

"Love, " Stephen stopped before letting out a soft chuckle. "No, I don't. After what you've been through and how many surgeries you've had it's normal." He reassured his lover, who just nodded into his shoulder. 

"Sorry." Stephen shook his head, turning slightly to kiss Tony's temple. The two stayed quiet, Stephen waiting for the shorter man to fall sleep. He was glad when he did, soft snores escaped his lips every once in a while, and his eyelids fluttered a bit, probably indicating he was dreaming. Either way, Stephen was glad he was getting rest. 

He hopes that this was another step forward. That Tony will no longer hide his insecurities as much as he's been doing. Stephen really hopes that he can show his lover just how amazing he is without stepping over boundaries. He doesn't want Tony to fear him, he prays that won't ever happen.


	6. Not Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony notices that some things aren't fitting in

____Five Months after Civil War: Starks Tower____

Tony sighed happily as he took his first sip of coffee. It was nine and somehow he had slept almost all night. Stephen had set up a small routine for him, and surprisingly he's been keeping up to it. Tony looked over to where his sorcerer was mixing honey into his tea, but the sight didn’t look right. 

Tony could tell that something was off. He felt it since he first woke up but never truly paid mind to it, until recently. Before he would notice things that weren’t in the tower before, things he got rid of after the avengers came back, like old plants near doors and photos in his office. He even got rid of his office, but a day or two after coming home, he noticed the door and went in, only to see everything was like it was before, stacks of papers everywhere and a broken phone on the right of his desk, while photos of Rhodey, Stephen, Pepper, and Happy sat on the left.

Recently, however, he's been noting how his plans aren't really there, plans he’s been working on for the past few months, things he had with him just a day ago. It truly was a mystery how the papers to pardon the Avengers were now gone. Along with this nothing is truly coming together, it's almost like he's working on nonexistent projects. At first, he believed that he was just forgetting about things or maybe mistaking some of his works for others but then he lost his new suit, the one that he had been working on a month ago before Stephen had helped him up to bed. 

That was the eye-opener. He would never just imagine creating Mark 50, especially when Stephen remembers clearly that night too, so how is it possible? How could he forget how he created and when he created Mark 50? It didn’t make sense and the more Tony thought of it he barely saw Rhodey or Pepper, but they would be all over him, wouldn’t they? Maybe it was because he had Stephen with him now, and being the doctor his lover is, he gives them regular updates. Still, he knows a simple ‘He’s doing alright’ wouldn’t satisfy his best friends, so where are they? They haven’t even called or texted him to ask how he is or how he’s feeling. 

“Love?” Stephen asked when he saw his lover staring at his cup of coffee for too long. “Are you alright?” he continued once he saw he had Tony’s attention. The smaller male looked dazed and faint, his face suddenly pale, which concerned the sorcerer. “Hey, what wong? Do you feel sick?” Stephen rushed to Tony’s side, grasping his hand with one hand and placing the other over his boyfriend’s forehead. 

“You remember I started Mark 50, right?” Tony asked, voice quiet. Stephen raised his eyebrow. Mark 50? He stood quiet, trying to remember when Tony started another suit. Then he remembered, Mark 50, Tony started it a month ago, just before he took him to bed.

“Yeah, I remember. Why?” Tony kept his eyes on him, almost questioning. Did Stephen forget when he created it too? “Tony, what’s wrong?” his lover kneeled in front of him, trying to catch his eye when he was pulling away slightly.   
“I can’t find it. I don’t remember building it, I don’t remember where I put papers or assignments and things look different and feel different, it-it doesn’t make sense.” Tony tried to make sense of it, tried to put together the past few months, hell, the past few years most likely. Stephen gently rubbed his darlings hands and kept his eyes on him, taking in the quick breaths coming from him. 

“Hey it’s okay to forget something, you’re still recovering from your injuries. You’ll remember where and when you did things, you take deep breaths, alright? I’m right here and I’m not going to leave you, we’ll work things out together.” Tony nodded, trusting Stephen’s words. Once making sure Tony was breathing normally he got up, gently placing a kiss to his head before walking back to his tea. Tony watched him grab the cup and move to sit next to him, still confused about his earlier questions. Nothing truly seemed right but he trusted Stephen because he would never lie to him. Right? 

He was proven right when he found the new arc reactor he working on, on his bench later that night. But it was never there before, so where had it come from? He sighed and sat down, trying to remember what happened before and after the fight with Rogers. He decided to think before that, before all the Avengers right before Stephen left him.

Stephen left him in 2013, right after his car crash, he went under surgery to fix them, didn’t work so he left to go get help. He never came back. Ultron broke out, the avengers no longer trusted him, he lost JARVIS and Vision was created. He lost JARVIS but what was his new AI’s name? Had he even created a new one? Did he actually lose JARVIS? 

So with a hesitant voice, he spoke. “JARVIS?” 

Tony almost cried at the response. “Yes, Sir?”


End file.
